Outcome Independence

There is a very big deal going down in my life.  I don’t do deals often, I’m not a dealmaker by nature…so this is a big deal for me.  It’s the biggest in my life by an order of magnitude.

There was a moment last year when my partner and I were strategizing on how the deal would go down. We both recognized a feeling we were having while discussing this deal.  It was a feeling of expectation for how the future should go, and it brought us some stress and anxiety.  

I’ve had those feelings in the past with all my companies and jobs, but I hadn’t felt it in my latest endeavor much at all.  I try to avoid these feelings because it usually puts my brain in a state where I make less optimal decisions.  I’m too old and care too much about health to be in a stress induced state mind.

Well, I was in the middle of this conversation with my partner deciding how we should comport ourselves and what outfits I shouldn’t wear at the meetings:)  I remember telling him that I don’t feel I should ever be anything different than what I am, no matter the occasion or the audience.  He was feeling like the likelihood of the deal closing could increase if we acted a certain way or said certain things that were premeditated. 

His thinking is very logical and sound and I couldn’t argue with him with logic. I said I don’t have any control over what I end up saying or doing in the moment.  I am a wildcard and that is who you have as a partner.  He then did the most amazing leadership move I’ve witnessed in a long while. He said, “Fuck it Merlin, do whatever you do. it’s going to happen exactly as it should”

He then told me he was riddled with outcome dependency.  He wanted an outcome and his expectations for that outcome were causing him stress. For the first time in our 10 year history as his partner, he was encouraging me to act a certain way so we could get a desired outcome.  

But in that same moment he realized that we have come as far as we have because we have been mostly outcome independent.  We have worked on our core mission for years with the best intentions knowing that the best outcome will follow our truest efforts. 

He hugged me and we had a partner moment.  We traveled by plane to the place where the deal was to go down.  We went with very little strategy or intentions to “close a deal”.  We went with little expectation for an outcome. We went to represent our mission and share our deepest beliefs and our best selves.  

The results? The outcome was better than we could ever of imagined. The story is being recorded on film for a future documentary.  

There is a note I wrote down a week ago and I think it fits in today’s email:

Decisions made in doubt and fear are always suboptimal to those made in faith and love.

It seems like an obvious statement, but it took me 40 years to arrive at a place where I avoid making decisions when I am stressed or in a state of uncertainty.  I try to breathe and find it in myself to realize that everything is going to be just fine and life is such a god damn miracle, why live it with any fear. 

My teens are the only ones who can get me acting in fear and doubt.  I’ve conquered most other social situations.  One day I can become truly outcome independent for my children as well. Parenting might be the hardest puzzle we get as human beings.

This is your 4:20 news report. I am your host, Scott Paul. Have great Monday evening.

I will be hovering over this rock tomorrow.