A Goodbye Anniversary

Today marks a year from when we lost Natalie’s dad.  He had a form of dementia that took his motor skills away.  I was on a plane headed to Austin when my daughter called and barely got through the simple words to tell me “Grampa died”.  I am sure everyone reading this has had that call about someone they love moving on.  Many of us have had kids, brothers, sisters.  Dealing with loss probably looks different for all of us, but it usually starts with disbelief followed by grief.  

When she called me to tell me he passed I put my hoodie on, put in my headphones and spent 30 minutes draining all the liquids out of my nose and eyes.  I knew it was bound to happen, but it just doesn’t hit until it hits.  I try not to regret anything, but I was supposed to take my father in law to Brazil to see where he lived in the early 70s as a missionary.  I want to go down still with our family and see Davis Smith, who is a friend serving there as he takes a break from running Cotopaxi.  I also want to experience Carnival. I leave for New Orleans this Friday to see that town for the first time, maybe that will give me some of the Carnival vibe before we go to Brazil.

It was the passing of my father in law that brought me to this daily typing habit.  I decided shortly after his funeral that I was going to start talking about my journey with fear and how to eradicate it.

My own grandfather died on my first birthday.  I haven’t really thought about how my dad has felt about his dad passing on that day that I celebrate until this moment. 

Right now I am telling my daughter about my grandpa and her grandpa. I sent a text to my dad to see how that moment was for him 43 years ago. I am driving with Jane to the cemetery. Well actually she is driving and I’m typing…well Tesla is driving and she is sitting in the driver’s seat.  We have some gum- and flowers to leave on the head stone. Thanks for producing and protecting such a stellar woman in my life Craig.

Scott X - 420 Journalist

And because he loved speaking Portuguese and playing guitar, I will add one of his favorite songs he first played for from a CD for me in 2004: